Anyway, I'm going out with Lauren and Jeff tonight, which is always a lot of fun. I haven't seen them in a while so It'll be nice to spend some time with them. I'd really like to spend more time with my friends in general. I always really enjoy myself and they cheer me up when I feel crappy. Unfortunately I really haven't been hanging out with anyone lately. I don't really know why. I feel like it's a combination of things. I always want to spend time with my friends from MUN, but sometimes I feel like Nick really doesn't want me to, or he doesn't want to go. I can't explain it. It kind of makes me feel isolated sometimes. It can be frustrating, but I think nick is coming around. They're all such awesome people. I know he'd get a long with them.
Also, I've been kind of broke lately. like super poor. I really have to save my money.
but over all, my mood hasn't been the best. I just feel tired and sluggish all the time. I've been having pretty poor self esteem issues. Nick has been great though. He really does make me feel better about myself. I just don't want him to feel like I'm feeling this way because of him, because it isn't his fault. I've been like this for most of my adolescent life. It's not as if this is something new for me.
Maybe I'm just hormonal or something. but probably not. I don't think my uterus has anything to do with this.
I've been told many times that I'm not being a burden to anyone. But I really can't help but feel that way sometimes. I don't want to get in the way or be annoying. I don't want them to feel obligated to invite me places. I know I'm probably just making all this shit up in my head to make everything more understandable for me. I just don't see how anyone could genuinely want to be around me lately. I'm not interesting or "cool". In my opinion anyway. Ugh. Someone make me pancakes.
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